After a few days, I decided that I would tell my wife Colleen. I had to tell her. My first step had been honesty with myself, and my next step would be to provide the same with her. As I had mentioned before, this brought me much pause. I knew that I could not go back. But I knew that the way forward would be painful. Somehow, I gathered up the courage to tell her.
Before I did though, I went through so many approaches. I tried to think of when would be the best time. Somehow, my dull mind came up with the brilliant idea of waiting until she was in a great mood. I remember that we went on a date to IHOP. At IHOP, we sat down, and we were enjoying a light meal and each other's company, much as we had always done.
After I told her, I knew it wouldn't be good. My mind kind of blanked a little bit. I mean to say, I felt light headed. I felt light headed and I was glad that I was sitting down. I was glad that she was sitting down too.
She was visibly taken aback. She kept her cool in the restaurant. If I recall, she said things like, is that it? You're not having an affair are you? I wasn't. I never have. But she often thinks that I might be having one because I'm so good looking, I guess. She didn't lose herself until later.
The next day or so, as our whole family were travelling on the I-15 freeway from Orem back to our home in Highland UT, she broke. Our van was travelling down the freeway at about 80 miles an hour and she began yelling at me. She reminded me of all the covenants I had made in the temple. She reminded me of all of the promises that she made to me. The kids were in the back and they were frightened. They began imploring us to stop fighting. One of the kids called me stupid. This was something I already knew.
What kind of smart man would quit watching all that TV and living in Mormon marital bliss for this? A stupid man. Me.
Next The Intervention
Religion and Self-Deception - I just finished The Folly of Fools: The Logic of Deceit and Self-Deception in Human Life (Basic Books, 2011) by Robert Trivers, a Professor of Anthropology...
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